Be Still My Fickle Heart!

I've been thinking a lot lately, about the desires of my heart.
I want to feel happy.  I want to be comfortable.
I want my stomach to be full of good food, I want to be fit without exercising, I want Leiney's Summer Shandy to be available year round,  I want to be settled in a nice, big house with a big yard and a bathroom for every bedroom... plus an extra one.  I want my husband to know exactly what I'm thinking at all times and to respond appropriately, I don't want to share my popcorn, I want my children to live (in their own homes) right next door to me. I want my grandsons to prefer me over every other person in their life.  I want my friends to laugh at all my jokes and I don't want them to like anyone else but me.  I don't want to look as old as I am, I wish that I was 4 inches shorter, and I wish that I didn't have to wear glasses to see clearly. I really wish that I wouldn't have spent so much time frying myself in baby oil at the beach when I was a kid, and I wouldn't mind having my younger body back... you know, the body that I used to think was fat and out of shape!  Basically, I want to do what I want, when I want, with whoever I want, and look great doing it.

I'd be lying if I said these things didn't cross my mind now and then, and I'm a bit ashamed to say that I've most likely vocalized each one of them at some time.  But are they REALLY desires of my heart?

I want people to know their Creator.  I want every one to be saved by grace, I want every person to know that God loves them, whether they believe in Him or not.  I want the children who are abused every day to be held, and hugged and to feel safe.  I want their abusers to be held and hugged and to feel safe.  I wish that there were not any hungry or homeless people in this world. I wish that children didn't get bullied.   I want the love that I've experienced from God, to grow stronger so that I can love every person I meet with His kind of love.  I want to know God more, to experience His presence.   I wish that I understood more of a good God who allows sadness and pain and suffering and evil to continue.  I wish people understood, that despite it sometimes not making any sense... God exists and that He IS good.  I know that evil and sin do not come from Him and I wish everyone knew that.  I want to love my enemies.  I want my friends and family to know that my love for them is profound, regardless of differences and distance that might be between us.  I wish that I could love, all the time, like Jesus loves.  I wish that all of us who call ourselves Christians really did behave like "little Christ's". I want to pray for those who are still far from God,  I want to pray for those who have no desire to know God.  I want people to see Jesus in me, I want to be someone who's obvious priority is to be like, and most of all, love like Jesus.

These things cross my mind as well...  they REALLY are the desires of my heart.  So what's the difference?  I still think about all those other things I mentioned first... those things I'm a bit ashamed of.

The struggle lies not with wanting to be happy and comfortable.
The struggle is with knowing what, and Who, exactly... will bring that happiness and comfort.
God  does want to give us the desires our heart... but they need to be desires that are ultimately for our own...and the greater good.  God really is the only One who knows that.

"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers - most of which are never seen - don't you think  He'll attend to  you, take pride in you, do his best for you?  What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving.  People who don't know God and the way He works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how He works.  Steep your life in God-reality, God initiative, God-provisions.  Don't worry about missing out.  You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.  Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.  God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."  
Matthew 6:30-34 (The Message)

Dear Lord, make the desires of my heart, the desires of Your heart.  Amen.
P.S.  You do like Summer Shandy don't you?