A Time for Us

I recently read that the "new" trend in blogging is to post less frequently  {everyone tweets now when they used to blog}  but to make your posts longer.  Yes!  That's right up my alley.
Since I've learned how to download songs from Amazon to itunes and then sync it to my ipod I have been kind of going crazy over it!  I keep remembering songs from my high school and college days that evoke all kinds of memories in my heart... and have been downloading them.  I might take a cue from my friend Dan and post a few blogs about some of those songs...but for this time I want to write about a song that I barely remember from when I was a child.  It's called "A Time for Us"  It's the theme song from 1968 movie about Romeo & Juliet.  I remember it vaguely, mostly because my aunt, who is more like a cousin/friend because she's only a few years older than me, really liked the movie and I remember her talking to me about it.  I know for a fact that the only time I ever read Shakespeare's writing was in college... and that's because I was forced to :)  ...I'm not sure if I ever actually saw the 1968 movie version... I was only 9 years old then.  I'll get back to the song in a bit...
Spiritually & emotionally the past few years have been rough.  The past year in particular, I have been  physically removed from nearly everything and everyone that I know and love the most.  I've always been one to "bloom where I'm planted"  but as I stated in an earlier blog... not much blooming has been going on around here lately.
It  seems that God has been silent recently.  I find myself questioning all kinds of things that I have held to be truth...  I have felt isolated and disconnected.  The sense of purpose that I thought I finally had a handle on seems far away and I'm wondering again.  I'm angry at God for wounds that happened years ago then I feel guilty because I'm angry at God.  I've prayed... cried... yelled... walked away... avoided... longed for, yet ignored, what has previously brought me comfort.
My head knows that God uses my suffering to strengthen me, to discipline me, and to love me.  My head knows that during times of spiritual dryness and seeming silence God is working in me.  My head also knows that my feelings and emotions aren't always based in Truth... they are real, and they are valid... but the way I perceive the world around me and my personal circumstances aren't always what is really going on.
So my head knows all this... and my heart thinks it sucks!
My heart longs to be loved and comforted and it wants to get away from this dry seeming silence.  My heart is weary of being full of pain... it longs to again be full of the joy that it was created with and that is so much a part of me.
A few months ago I was praying... asking God - again- "what is going on?"  I got up from my quiet time as had been happening frequently, quite unsatisfied.  I walked into the kitchen and began to unload the clean dishes from the dishwasher and put them away.  I was nearly finished and I realized I had been humming a song... "what is that song...  and why am I humming it?"   Instantly I knew it was "A Time for Us"  {I told you I'd get back to it}   My next thought was  "why in the world am I humming this song?"
I had not heard, let alone even thought of, this particular song in years!!  And I mean YEARS!!   I remember that maybe it was in one of my piano music books back in high school and I liked the song, but  it had never been a particular favorite.
My next thoughts were of God... "I know He speaks to us in so many ways"  and "I wonder what He is trying to say... what are the words to this song"
I have to admit, because I have heard from God many, many times... in many, many different ways and I KNEW this was from God... I was almost a little bit afraid to find out what the words to this song were.  Given the way my life was going, and the way I had been feeling lately I wasn't sure I wanted to know.  But... with a title of  "A Time for Us"  how bad could it be?  So I went straight to the computer and looked up they lyrics.
My heart was racing... tears were falling and I was amazed.  I just knew these words were meant for me, now... from God.  What other explanation was there?  I catch myself humming a song that I had not thought of  in close to 40 years.  Now, in front of me were songwords that were piercing my recently dead heart.
For whatever reason...  God had been silent, and He probably will be again... but with those words, my heart began to "awake from the dead"... I have sneaking suspicion that the silent times won't be so hard to take anymore.  With those words I started to understand in a new way, that His purposes were going to prevail and I could have hope in that again. A Truth is slowly being revealed to me... something my head has known for a long time... my heart is beginning to know it like I've never known it before. The part of my heart that I've held back my entire life until now, held back from God, from myself, from my family and from my friends is on its way to being exposed.  As scary as that is for me I  am trusting God with it... it's our time... me and God... it's a time for us.   My mind has known for years that He loves me.
I think I am finally ready to have ALL of my heart know it too.

It might drive you crazy that I'm not writing the words to the song here...  God spoke to me with the words... they are profound intimacy to me... probably wouldn't mean much to you.
But I am sharing this blog because I want you to be aware of the ways and times that God will speak to you... because He will... probably in ways that surprise you...  just be open to it...   listen.  He spoke to me through a song that was written years ago about a love affair that was not accepted by so many...
kinda like Jesus' love for all of us.